The media is acting bewildered by “What went wrong?” in the five-year marriage of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. I know the answers. Although I’ve never met either, like millions around the globe, I’ve been subjected to ridiculous amounts of media hype about this couple. Also, I’ve interviewed hundreds of couples married over 50 years, 75 whom are featured in Everlasting Matrimony: Pearls Of Widom From Couples Married 50 Years Or More. Here are the four main reasons Tom and Katie are getting divorced:
- Tom jumped on Oprah’s couch. This should have been the first red flag for Katie. Sure, any woman would be smitten by a man who so boldly professes his love for her on Oprah’s couch with millions viewing worldwide. But Tom really had to do something big. At that time, 2005 and in his early 40’s, he was already divorced twice and had multiple failed “serious” relationships. 50% of first marriages fail. 67% of second marriages fail. And 74% of third marriages fail. A divorcee takes their baggage with them to each subsequent relationship. Tom had a volcano full. Naïve Katie, 16 years his junior, didn’t do her homework.
- Katie converted to Scientology. She was raised Roman Catholic. For those who are devout in their faith, as Katie was, it is a big part of their identity and a lifestyle. She gave up both when she converted to Scientology. Big mistake that turns into hate and resentment. (This is not to say interfaith marriages can’t be successful. Many are. But any couple in a loving interfaith marriage will tell you it’s a huge challenge that’s harder than they ever thought it would be. Interfaith marriages that are smoothest occur when one spouse is not deeply rooted in their religion and therefore, at ease to be faith flexible.)
- Tom and Katie were doomed by money and materialism. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having an abundance of wealth and possessions. But, if you want to find out if you really love somebody, imagine having barely anything. Do you still love the core person? The majority of couples married 50-plus years ago who I interviewed started off nearly broke. A place to live, a decent bed, and a kitchen table and chairs were treasured. They loved each other and looked forward to building a life together. I doubt Tom and Katie ever looked at their relationship from this perspective. Money and materialism — shed them, and if you don’t have each other, you have nothing.
- Tom is a control freak. News reports say Tom is “shocked” that Katie filed for divorce. Either Tom has had his head in the sand or he has such an enormous ego he believes all the problems are with her or he’s lying. Probably all three. Note to Tom: Katie is sick and tired of you running her life! Intuition tells me, for example: When Katie was in “All My Sons” on Broadway in 2008, Tom was a news headliner again (like on Oprah), making more bold statements about how phenomenal his wife was in the show. I can guarantee you that on the homefront he was telling her everything she did wrong on stage and how to do it right. Multiply this crap a few thousand times over and, sooner or later, the abused spouse either shuts down and stays in the relationship because they’re too embarrassed or intimidated or financially dependent to leave, or they get enough balls to say, “Shove it up your ass. I’m out of here you fool!” Finally, Katie has done the latter.
Get Along Better provides you relationship tips with a twist of humor. Want more? 4,000+ years’ worth of advice are documented in Everlasting Matrimony: Pearls Of Wisdom From Couples Married 50 Years Or More, a coffee-table book by Sheryl Kurland. Makes an excellent gift for weddings, anniversaries, engagements…or just because!
Tags: don't get divorced, everlasting love, everlasting marriage, everlasting matrimony, Father’s Day, Father’s Day gifts, get along better, how to prevent divorce, how to stay in love, inexpensive Father’s Day gifts, infidelity marriage, marriage advice, marriage advice for newlyweds, marriage tips, prevent divorce, relationship advice, relationship tips, save my marriage, Sheryl Kurland, Sheryl P. Kurland, stay happily married, stay married, stop divorce, Tom Cruise Katie Holmes divorce